i know i've always known about him from the start and i still continued my relationship with his dad. i found that knowing about him and being around him were two totally different things. i honestly was jealous about the time he was taking away from me. yeah i know it sounds selfish, but i was just barely out of high school when i was confronted with all the potential "baby mama drama." i always told myself that was something that i never wanted to be a part of.
L-O-V-E is a crazy thing. Because i was already starting to fall in love with him, i chose not to see his turbulent past. That includes a psycho ex, a kid, frequent trips to the court house, being beat as a child and as a result was put in a group home...shall i go on? i think i picked the guy with the most baggage.
For a long time, the mere presence of his kid would put me in a real bad mood. i could always feel my heart beating so hard in my chest. I was majorly stressed every time he was around.
Just recently those feeling have been fading away. i'm not too sure what happened. All of a sudden i was ok. i actually surprised myself. i'm not saying that at this point i would be able to acknowledge him as my own coz i think i'm still far from there, but this is a step forward for me.
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